Still Doing Great Even if We're Taking a Different Path

This is a hard update to explain.  We continue to experience a very 'on the fence' type of feeling when it comes to Payton and her CDH (and recovery).

As parents, we die a little inside watching our child go through this process.  Watching her go through surgery, cry in pain, not move her arm/foot because it hurts too much from all the wires that are going into her, watch her dry heave over and over as her little stomach fights to keep the bile down but her body rejecting it.

Or, leaving your child every day (or not seeing her at all some days) in the care of strangers (albiet highly competent strangers) for 18 hours a day because your 3-4 hour commute, job and other child require the remaining time. 

Its hard and it wears on you. 

But on the flip side, Payton is doing well all things considered.  She has exceeded all expectations with her breathing and that it isn't even a concern any more while she's in the NICU is nothing short of amazing for us. 

She's alive and it looks very good for us having many years ahead of us to enjoy who she is and who she will be one day.  As parents who know how very important that is, we also remind ourselves daily/hourly how very lucky we are.

Still, hearing the news today that Payton will be having surgery again was hard.  Its the 1st time I shed tears since they wheeled her away for her diaphragm surgery.  I didn't want to cry.  I tried to hold back my tears, because if someone had told me on July 27th that Payton would have virtually no problems getting on track with her breathing but her feeding would lead to another surgery I would have laughed with joy and excitement because I was so afraid back then with what our future held.

So, it appears that Payton will have another surgery.  This is from my conversation with one of the surgical team members today.  She did say that they still needed confirmation from Dr. Blair (chief surgeon) but that its at the point where its time we change things up for Payton.

The surgeon made the comment "how long do we continue making her uncomfortable with the nasal and mouth tubes? "  This comment was enough to get me appreciating the fact that this next step in Payton's journey has its 'good points' despite the fact that surgery is always a risk.

They will place 2 tubes through Payton's adominal wall with one feeding tube going into her intestines and the other going into her stomach for drainage.

The downsides:
- Another surgery: more pain for Payton and it brings an increased risk (as all surgery is risky) but I understand its a fairly simple surgery (much simplier than the hernia repair).

The upsides:

- Payton will no longer have a tube down her nose and mouth (both tickling the back of her throat which likely aids in her gag reflux and admittedly must cause her discomfort).
-  Payton will be able to come home with both tubes and we'll have more time to hold her, less time with her stuck in a bed with strangers caring for her.  She'll soon be surrounded by the familar sounds of 'home' and around those who love her - way better than a hospital.
- We'll learn a new skill (feeding through a tube).
- Livy will get to be the big sister finally. 

So in summary, the title of this blog entry really sums it all up for us.  When all is said and done, tears or not, we're still doing GREAT even if we're taking a different path.