Here's our two steps back

I woke this morning feeling like today wasn't going to be a great day (I did too much yesterday and that feeling kicked the whole day off).  It would have been a good day to have crawled into bed with Payton this morning and just stayed there.

First off I want to say thank you to everyone who has reached out.  It really means a lot all the words of comfort and wisdom.  One day soon (when my email is working properly) I'll respond but today please know that your efforts to offer support are much appreciated and very welcomed.

Payton had a bad afternoon with bleeding from her lungs.  They aren't fully sure about the why's behind her bleed but she had a huge fuss earlier in conjunction with the bleed where the nurse had a hard time holding her still. 

Thus, she's now heavily sedated and though the bleeding has stopped, they'll keep her sedated for a day or two to ensure that any lung bleed is well healed. 

The added morphine and new diuretic has now lowered her blood pressure and they are now watching her for too low of blood pressure. 

Her last blood draw showed signs of needing blood so today Payton got her 1st blood transfusion.  Hopefully this will help with her blood pressure as well as help with any taxing on her lungs as the added blood will help with her oxygenation (hopefully help with weening her morphine and still keeping her calm).

The thought is (well mine anyway and the medical team figured it was as good as any) that her agitated state was a combination of too low morphine (still pain from the surgery) and the gagging she's doing due to the unsuccessful feeding. 

Her vent rate is down to 50 now but she's so sedated she's not breathing above it nor will she till the sedation is dropped.  After the bleed they increased her PEEP (her exhale pressure I believe) to 7 but they said its pretty typical after bleeding in the lungs.   Her oxygen levels remain at room level air.

So while its been a less than stellar day for Payton, she's still doing well and we're keeping our hopes up. Its worth mentioning that the NICU part of this process hasn't been that difficult.  It'll be a bit embarassing for her when her Daddy has her pro cycling when she has to admit to blood doping but we'll cross that bridge when we get there :).

The most difficult part of all of this has been being away from Livy and now, I'm hoping to end the night on somewhat of a better note and spend some quality time with her - pajama party here we come.