Blood, Pus and Tears Goes a Long Way

So today wasn't one of my best days.  I finally hit my NICU Brick.

When I arrived this morning the doctors were on the end of their rounds for Payton.  So I got a little clip of what they were talking about, in particular that they were still waiting to hear back from Radiology (aka more waiting).

They did ask if I had anything to ask and I did ask about her infection which they simply replied that she's on antibiotics (forgot to mention yesterday that I noticed Payton's stomach had gotten quite red and looking pussy under her skin.  I brought it to the attention of the nurse who cleaned it and had a doc look at it.  He said he'd keep an eye on it and later that night the night nurse confirmed that they were going to start antibiotics and treat it like an infection since it looked like it was getting worse).

I still hadn't had a chance to talk to surgery but since the rounds team were all NICU people I knew my questions about feeding wouldn't/couldn't be answered.

I then went to Payton to see how she was doing and I pulled back her blanket to see her tummy.  It looked awful.  It was then that I started to cry and the tears wouldn't stop.

I had a hard time imagining how long she laid there till someone actually did something to help her.  How long she was in discomfort (and still obviously is).

While I sat there crying one of the nurses (a head nurse I think) came over and asked me if I was ok.  She then offered to get a meeting organized (some time that week) with everyone so that I could ask questions from all teams (not just one doc at a time getting different answers).  I agreed and proceeded to hold Payton all the while bawling.

It took about an hour to get surgery and NICU docs in one spot (amazing what a lot of tears can do in a short time).

Finally we had some answers. 

They have been holding off feeding Payton because they perferated her bowel during surgery.  The surgeon remaining said they felt it important to let it heal properly/fully before stressing her bowels.

I asked about a bit of feeds and was told that if Radiology couldn't take Payton today, that they would let her start on some small feeds. Radiology can't get her in till tomorrow so they started her on small 1ml/hr feeds (recall she was stopped last week on 24ml/hr so today's feed is very tiny in comparison).

There was some other discussions but ultimately the feeds were my biggest question.

Radiology will also be placing a PICC line (when they remove her NJ tube tomorrow) since Payton's other ones keep failing.  They believe letting Radiology place her PICC will result in a stronger line that hopefully won't fail.  They don't believe Payton will be increasing her feeds that quick and will need the PICC.

I still need to get an update on how her ECHO went yesterday - the results weren't back when we got there today.

I asked about the infection and how quickly it came on.  Apparently surgery did check the wound yesterday early morning and it was fine.  By late morning it was already red enough for me to notice.

Late in the day yesterday surgery came by again but was told that Payton had just settled and the nurse would keep an eye out for it (so surgery didn't look at it then).  At 9pm our nurse had requested antibiotics.

This morning I saw what you see below. The good thing is its gotten better from its worst point (you can see where they drew the line as to where the infection had spread).

If its not significantly better by tomorrow surgery may cut open her incision and pack it and leave it exposed to the air to let the infection heal that way.  I'm not sure what that equates to time wise or pain wise or holding Payton wise but its not a route we want to go.

I don't know when enough will be enough for this little one.  I just know that today was a rough day and I very much hope that tomorrow will be a better one for Payton. 

I also know that after our meeting, I was visited (patiently) by 2 more NICU doctors.  I think the rumour went around that Baby Brickner's mom had hit the NICU Brickwall and was having a meltdown.  Its ok, I'll do it again if it gets me answers.

Oh, and to top off our day, another baby in Payton's room has tested positive for staph infection.  Because everything before that just wasn't enough to deal with in one day.

Despite everything else we still managed a cuddle.

A close up of the tender, sore belly.

Slightly pained yet content look.