So our last day in the hospital consisted of both a full measurement ultrasound, followed by a meeting with the NICU.
Recall that the NICU doctors wanted to know the size of the baby before speaking with us so we had to wait for the ultrasound 1st, then wait for the NICU docs.
The ultrasound went well. Payton's fluid in her chest seems to have disappeared (or is really small) and that may well be because the lungs have grown enough to fill any unfilled voids. It could also mean more abdominal contents in her chest but I like the 1st reason better.
As previously mentioned the placenta still lies over the cervix so obvioulsy our option to go back home was not there. To be honest, I could go it I wanted to, but the consequences (even if unlikely) just aren't worth it and its not just my life I'm gambling with so we make the sacrifices to stay close and inconvinience as many people as we know.
Payton is growing well. Not as well as Olivia or the boys did (she's a few days behind her gestation) but a few days keeps her well within in the normal range and there is absolutely NO issue there.
We were told she's approximately 3.5 lbs so we're pretty happy about that (and expected to gain about a 1/2 lb a week from here on in).
Our meeting with the NICU didn't provide us with the crystal ball I was hoping (not expecting but hoping) it would. But it did answer a lot of unknowns in relation to the unknown.
My questions weren't so much "what will happen" because we know CDH babies are so incredibly unpredictable, but rather they were "will we know if the worst happens and we need to let go? or if bad things happen, that we need to keep fighting??" That answer was mostly yes. Though there is a grey area (and its the grey area that scares me), that grey area is small. We will likely know either way whether Payton has the fight in her to make it through, or whether we're fighting a losing battle. For that we are so very greatful.
While the two NICU docs weren't quite as optimistic as the first one we saw back at 24weeks, we were happy we got to meet them as all involved in the NICU will be part of Payton's care and when we go there the 1st time with her, it will be nice to have met some of the team ahead of time.
The only negative I took away from that meeting was from the female NICU doc. And while I know she meant well with her comment and concern, it wasn't necessarily what I wanted to hear.
She told me to take off the scientific hat and simply wear my mother hat. If only she knew how wrong that statement is. Doesn't she get that the only thing I have in my control is knowledge and questions? Doesn't she know that part of my concept of being a mother is being prepared and making sure I'm the best I can be to tackle any situation that may or may not be presented to us in regards to baby Payton's care?
In my mind, a mother doesn't idly sit by and let others care for her child. Even if she knows that for a short while it needs to be others who do care for her child, she doesn't just sit back and twiddle her thumbs, especially when, if worst comes to worst, I'm going to be 1/2 a decision of a very crucial one - the consequences are mine, even if the glory of the fight isn't.
So in order to wear any consequences comfortably, I need to be prepared. I need to know, that when Payton needs me the most, I'll be ready for her.
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