I sit here in Toronto and can't help but miss my girls (and Dwayne). I love my new job, but like all other issues in my life since June, I'm resentful for anything that takes me away from them.
But, because I know that being away from them keeps my time with them so incredibly precious, I allow for the distractions and committments... I try to enjoy each moment of those distractions to their fullest in their own way (knowing they pale in comparison to my family) but moments like this, the thoughts of the girls seep into my mind and I miss them dearly.
One thing that keeps replaying over and over is the feeling both physically and emotionally of Payton when she wakes in the night to feed. Honestly, while most mothers dread that late night feeding and are looking forward to a full night sleep, its my absolute favourite moment. The moment when she's full up and I put her to my shoulder to pat her till she burps. Her little body goes limp against my shoulder and she almosts melts into my arms...absolutely trusting me to hold her close as she drifts back into a deep sleep. Knowing that I'm missing 2 nights of that causes me to tear up.
Livy too...I'm still a bit giddy that she wakes the odd night needing her mommy to come cuddle with her to put her back to sleep. She's still facinated with my belly button (and she more often than not digs into it with her finger nail) but its her blankie right now. A comfort to her and from what I can tell, I'm the only one who provides her that comfort (even if its because its all soft and squishy due to child birth).
I miss my babies and I'm very fortunate that I can capture this feeling (even just a little bit) on here so that one day, when they physically grow out of that baby status, I hope that reading this brings back that feeling I am right now missing and cherishing so much.
No comments:
Post a Comment