The grass isn't greener

I've been busy reading a number of other blogs with families dealing with a CDH child (or currently pregnant with a CDH baby) in an attempt to understand the various routes Payton may travel upon delivery.

There are some knowns (at least we hope so):

1. She will go to the NICU immediately after delivery
2. She will be intubated.
3. She will have an IV placed to feed
4. She will be sedated/paralyzed
5. She will have surgery (pending a favourable outcome of the above).

What we don't know is the degree and impact that the above will have on her and how well she'll do.  We just for now know the basics.

After reading the many stories out there you really start to realize that even the best case scenerios are heartbreaking and tragic.  Any person who has held a new born (if they can remember how delicate and fragile they were/are) will somewhat appreciate how undesirable this whole situation is and how wrong it seems to put such a tiny thing through such a huge ordeal.

But, as mentioned before, there is no going back...There is no alternative strategy to fixing the problem and even though we don't like the method of 'fixing' we know its what we have to do.

We meet with the surgeons next week (or we did until we recently got the call that they needed to bump the appointment back another week).  From there we'll have a better idea of how they will possibly fix Payton.  Though the size of the hernia is a big factor in deciding her ultimate surgery, we will get a better idea of how they tackle such situations.

We'll also learn about the complications/effects the surgery will have on her (swelling, fluid buildup in a chest with a large cavity where her lungs are supposed to be).  We'll have an idea of how steady his hands are (yes, I'm interviewing this surgeon just like I interviewed the doctor who did our amnio - "how much coffee do you drink and let's see how steady your hands are").

So, while we enter the beginning of the end of this pregnancy, and while I scour the internet reading about others there's nothing about their situation I really 'want'.  That said, there are some amazing fighters out there and it does give me a lot of hope as to what is possible and what kind of strength and determination such a small little one really has.