Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
24 weeks
By the time we arrived in the delivery room it was a few short hours before our 24 week mark. It certainly didn't slip my mind that if we hadn't had the change in time (due to us going from daylight savings to regular time) or if we had delivered in Ontario instead of BC things would have been slightly different timing wise, and maybe even life altering for some of us. Instead, we played with the cards that we were dealt and so we were prepared to lose one of our babies and in our hearts we were so optimistic that despite the pending loss, we were doing everything we could to save one of our babies.
We were told that to best protect Baby A (and hope for labour to stop after Baby B was born) I couldn't push out Baby B (as it could cause the uterus to continue contracting) and that because Baby B was breech we were told he would probably get stuck in the birth canal and would probably be still born.
To our amazement, Dayne Edward came out fairly quick and even tried to take in a few breaths (Dwayne almost missed his birth by going to the bathroom).
He was beautiful. Born at 2:47 am, Dayne Edward weight 735 g (1lb 10 oz).
Though you could see the effects of the pPROM (he had a club foot, a turned in leg, slightly squished nose and no fat on his cheeks due to the pressure in utero) he was absolutely perfect in every way and each and every one of those effects would have been easily corrected over time had he been born just a few weeks later.
His heart beat for an amazing 1 hour and 20 minutes. Could we have saved him if the doctors had tried to do everything possible?? Who knows. The doctors certainly weren't prepared for a live baby and certainly weren't prepared for such a big baby. We still don't know how developed his lungs were due to the lack of fluid. Regardless, we are forever grateful that we got to love him and hold him while he was alive rather than have him hooked to tubes and needles in the NICU only to lose him later due to his extreme prematurity and the effects of his ruptured membrane.
Dayne had so many features of his Dad. He had his dad's straight nose, his lips, his hair colour and his hair line. We are so proud of him. His will to fight and live for so long despite the odds that were stacked against him.
Following Dayne's birth the docs administered the steroids in the hopes that we could mature Baby A lungs. Though 48 hours is ideal, even having the baby get 4 hours of the steroids is known to make a huge difference in their chance of survival at this early stage.
5 hours later (after continuously telling people that I could feel Baby A moving further and further down) the docs finally checked Baby A using an ultrasound. Yes, Baby A had moved well into the birth canal...unfortunately, there was no heart beat.
Daniel David (very surprised and pleased with another boy) was born sleeping at 8:32 am. Weighting 725 g (1 lb 9.5 oz), he was perfect in everyway and he took after his mom with his turned up nose, dark, low hairline (that strangely ran into his eyebrows) and the overall shape of his head. Though he would have very much been a replica of his mom, he had his dad's lips. His cheeks were chubby and though he stayed rather dark due to not getting oxygen, he too was simply gorgeous.
Dayne (left) and Daniel (right) (click to enlarge photos)
The remainder of the day was spent talking to and holding our babies, taking pictures and dressing them into tiny outfits made with love and donated by some very thoughtful stranger. We took footprints of each boy and made every effort to remember each and every detail of how they looked.
We will never forget November 7th. It will forever be in our hearts as the day we witnessed unconditional love for each other and our boys but also a day we learned how precious life really is.
We are blessed that we were able to hold our baby boys their entire lives. They brought us so much joy and filled us with absolute wonder.
It is absolutely true that life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
We were told that to best protect Baby A (and hope for labour to stop after Baby B was born) I couldn't push out Baby B (as it could cause the uterus to continue contracting) and that because Baby B was breech we were told he would probably get stuck in the birth canal and would probably be still born.
To our amazement, Dayne Edward came out fairly quick and even tried to take in a few breaths (Dwayne almost missed his birth by going to the bathroom).
He was beautiful. Born at 2:47 am, Dayne Edward weight 735 g (1lb 10 oz).
Though you could see the effects of the pPROM (he had a club foot, a turned in leg, slightly squished nose and no fat on his cheeks due to the pressure in utero) he was absolutely perfect in every way and each and every one of those effects would have been easily corrected over time had he been born just a few weeks later.
His heart beat for an amazing 1 hour and 20 minutes. Could we have saved him if the doctors had tried to do everything possible?? Who knows. The doctors certainly weren't prepared for a live baby and certainly weren't prepared for such a big baby. We still don't know how developed his lungs were due to the lack of fluid. Regardless, we are forever grateful that we got to love him and hold him while he was alive rather than have him hooked to tubes and needles in the NICU only to lose him later due to his extreme prematurity and the effects of his ruptured membrane.
Dayne had so many features of his Dad. He had his dad's straight nose, his lips, his hair colour and his hair line. We are so proud of him. His will to fight and live for so long despite the odds that were stacked against him.
Following Dayne's birth the docs administered the steroids in the hopes that we could mature Baby A lungs. Though 48 hours is ideal, even having the baby get 4 hours of the steroids is known to make a huge difference in their chance of survival at this early stage.
5 hours later (after continuously telling people that I could feel Baby A moving further and further down) the docs finally checked Baby A using an ultrasound. Yes, Baby A had moved well into the birth canal...unfortunately, there was no heart beat.
Daniel David (very surprised and pleased with another boy) was born sleeping at 8:32 am. Weighting 725 g (1 lb 9.5 oz), he was perfect in everyway and he took after his mom with his turned up nose, dark, low hairline (that strangely ran into his eyebrows) and the overall shape of his head. Though he would have very much been a replica of his mom, he had his dad's lips. His cheeks were chubby and though he stayed rather dark due to not getting oxygen, he too was simply gorgeous.
Dayne (left) and Daniel (right) (click to enlarge photos)
The remainder of the day was spent talking to and holding our babies, taking pictures and dressing them into tiny outfits made with love and donated by some very thoughtful stranger. We took footprints of each boy and made every effort to remember each and every detail of how they looked.
We will never forget November 7th. It will forever be in our hearts as the day we witnessed unconditional love for each other and our boys but also a day we learned how precious life really is.
We are blessed that we were able to hold our baby boys their entire lives. They brought us so much joy and filled us with absolute wonder.
It is absolutely true that life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
23 weeks 6 days
We are now 1 measily day shy of that 24 week survival mark. What a horrible position to be in. Hospital policy prevents them from doing a number of things at this stage. Though we're still a bit confused as to some of the exact procedures at this point, we relied 100% on what we were told (or implied) could and couldn't be done. We had faith in the hospital staff. At no point did we think that we should question what was or wasn't done. We believed in them when they told us there was a chance that the labour would stop.
How do we feel now?? We're not sure. Being angry, asking for answers won't bring back our boys. But I digress...
Back to the story...
After the first shot of morphine wore off I waited about an hour (with very intense contractions...~3 min apart still). Finally at about 3:30 am they gave me a second shot of morphine. This time though the morphine only took the edge off the intense pain of the contractions and by now I was only able to sleep between contractions (approx 1 min 45 seconds).
At 8 am the morphine once again wore off and once again I waited a good hour until again requesting something for the pain. They adminstered another shot of morphine and once again it managed to only take away the worst of the pain. The only upside is it made me woozy enough that falling asleep between contractions was easy.
At 10:30 am the hospital arranged for an ultrasound to measure my cervix. Though I dozed through much of the ultrasound I did once again get to see my beautiful babies. Had I known it would be the last time I saw them moving so freely and lively, I would have fought harder stay awake. Often the technician would have to stop during my contractions but the end result was Baby B had moved closer to the cervix and was persenting feet first (breech). The good news was, though the cervix was shortening, it was still closed.
A few hours later the morphine began to wear off and once again my contractions started getting worse. This time though...no more morphine. They had already given me alot (so they said ;)) and wouldn't give anymore so I waited out the pain. Every 2.5 minutes for the next few hours. Finally a nurse came in and made the decision to give me gas for the pain (I had no idea you could get gas?!?!). That helped calm me down and though I could still feel the contractions, the gas allowed me to relax properly between them and be able to weather the pain.
At around 6 pm the doctor came in and said that she wanted to do a cervix check since there was no way I was having those kind of contractions without dialating. Sure enough, Baby B's foot was through the cervix...there was no stopping his being born.
At that point we were given 3 options.
1) Protect the mom (recommended by the hospital since we were still before the 24 week mark). That meant they would induce labour for both babies in order to guarentee the safest possible outcome for me.
2) Try to save Baby A. Since the rupture Baby B was presenting first, we could try to deliver Baby B (and the method of delivery would pretty much guarantee 0% survival for Baby B) but it would allow a 50% chance that labour would stop and Baby A would survive (at least long enough for steriod shots to work on his/her lungs...ideally 48 hours).
3) Try to save both babies knowing that the survival rate for twins born before 24 weeks was dismal. This method would have resulted in a c-section (since the presenting baby was breech).
We chose option 2 since we had no idea if Baby B's lungs would be developed enough at this point to allow for survival if we opted for a c-section.
How do we feel now?? We're not sure. Being angry, asking for answers won't bring back our boys. But I digress...
Back to the story...
After the first shot of morphine wore off I waited about an hour (with very intense contractions...~3 min apart still). Finally at about 3:30 am they gave me a second shot of morphine. This time though the morphine only took the edge off the intense pain of the contractions and by now I was only able to sleep between contractions (approx 1 min 45 seconds).
At 8 am the morphine once again wore off and once again I waited a good hour until again requesting something for the pain. They adminstered another shot of morphine and once again it managed to only take away the worst of the pain. The only upside is it made me woozy enough that falling asleep between contractions was easy.
At 10:30 am the hospital arranged for an ultrasound to measure my cervix. Though I dozed through much of the ultrasound I did once again get to see my beautiful babies. Had I known it would be the last time I saw them moving so freely and lively, I would have fought harder stay awake. Often the technician would have to stop during my contractions but the end result was Baby B had moved closer to the cervix and was persenting feet first (breech). The good news was, though the cervix was shortening, it was still closed.
A few hours later the morphine began to wear off and once again my contractions started getting worse. This time though...no more morphine. They had already given me alot (so they said ;)) and wouldn't give anymore so I waited out the pain. Every 2.5 minutes for the next few hours. Finally a nurse came in and made the decision to give me gas for the pain (I had no idea you could get gas?!?!). That helped calm me down and though I could still feel the contractions, the gas allowed me to relax properly between them and be able to weather the pain.
At around 6 pm the doctor came in and said that she wanted to do a cervix check since there was no way I was having those kind of contractions without dialating. Sure enough, Baby B's foot was through the cervix...there was no stopping his being born.
At that point we were given 3 options.
1) Protect the mom (recommended by the hospital since we were still before the 24 week mark). That meant they would induce labour for both babies in order to guarentee the safest possible outcome for me.
2) Try to save Baby A. Since the rupture Baby B was presenting first, we could try to deliver Baby B (and the method of delivery would pretty much guarantee 0% survival for Baby B) but it would allow a 50% chance that labour would stop and Baby A would survive (at least long enough for steriod shots to work on his/her lungs...ideally 48 hours).
3) Try to save both babies knowing that the survival rate for twins born before 24 weeks was dismal. This method would have resulted in a c-section (since the presenting baby was breech).
We chose option 2 since we had no idea if Baby B's lungs would be developed enough at this point to allow for survival if we opted for a c-section.
Monday, November 5, 2007
23 weeks 4 days
I'm actually writing this post in retrospect on November 22 as I've finally had the time to come back to this point to finally tell the story of the final leg in our journey.
This post is meant to reiterate the day that was November 5th but in hindsight, its best to go back to the evening of November 4th.
Sunday evening (at 23w4d and the night before the NICU tour) I wasn't feeling all that hot. I had a light back ache (not uncommon due to the stress of sitting in the same position all day) but I was also feeling lightly crampy in the bottom of my belly...almost achy.
I went to bed early as often over night any aches and pains usually sorted themselves out. That night I continued to wake throughout the night still feeling achy and so in the morning, when I still had the light back ache and light tummy pain I packed an overnight bag knowing that what I was feeling wasn't normal and I stupidly thought that the hospital would be just as concerned as I was.
Dwayne, my mother and myself went into the city early as we had scheduled a 3D ultrasound that morning (for keepsake purposes in light of this being such a high risk pregnancy) and on the way into town I could feel I was having very light contractions. As they were very mild (felt slightly painful but I thought maybe because I was already so achey they were noticable) I attributed them to braxton hicks.
We spent 1/2 an hour downtown in the car while Dwayne ran some errands. I sat in the car trying to time the contractions (~8 mins) using the car clock and debated whether I should skip the 3D ultrasound and go right to the hospital. A part of me knew if we were indeed in labour that I would forever regret not having the 3D ultrasound and a part of me worried that by not going to the hospital, they may not catch it soon enough.
We went to the ultrasound and it was absoultely beautiful. Though I leaked heavily in the elevator upto the ultrasound room there was plenty of fluid for us to see baby b in 3D. For the first time since the rupture I felt that everything was going to be perfect! Our high risk baby had plenty of fluid despite me constantly leaking!!
As far as the genders were concerned? Baby B was a BOY! I cried tears of joy at the news. I can't begin to explain how amazed and in love we were. Baby A proved much more elusive. We couldn't get a clear shot in 3D of his/her face and he/she was very modest as we had a hard time with the gender. Best guess...Girl.
In hindsight I'm so very glad that we did the 3D ultrasound. Ultimately going to the hospital would have resulted in absolutely nothing and today we wouldn't have that beautiful memory.
Once at the hospital we met with the first Perinatologist where I explained my concern with my contractions (which were much closer...less than 4 minutes at this point). The Peri did all the basic measurements and said he'd report to the head doc and she'd be in to see us shortly.
The main Peri came into the office and her first words were "well, the good news is there's absolutely NO indication that your in early labour". We then listened to the rest of her speal and finally I questioned her about what I should look for in terms of early labour if this wasnt' it. She said, "regular contractions that are at least 5 minutes apart". I told her mine were between 3-4 minutes. She then said, "well, the have to be very regular and longer than 30 seconds". As I hadn't really timed the duration and was using a clock without a second hand to time I had no response.
She then said, "well, i can check your cervix but with your rupture and us wanting to avoid infection its not recommended". Based on her comments I chose to avoid further risk of infection.
We left her office and went to get our flu shots, the contractions continued.
By the time Dwayne went to get the car, I went to the bathroom and noticed that I had started bleeding. Back to the peri again where I requested a cervix check.
The first peri we saw then admitted us to a room for monitoring and they decided to keep me overnight. By then the pain of the contractions were very uncomfortable and they adminstered morphine in the hopes that by minimizing the pain, my body would relax enough and the contractions would stop.
That evening the contractions did slow for an hour or so but by 3 am they were back in full force, the morphine had worn off and I was in even worse pain.
This post is meant to reiterate the day that was November 5th but in hindsight, its best to go back to the evening of November 4th.
Sunday evening (at 23w4d and the night before the NICU tour) I wasn't feeling all that hot. I had a light back ache (not uncommon due to the stress of sitting in the same position all day) but I was also feeling lightly crampy in the bottom of my belly...almost achy.
I went to bed early as often over night any aches and pains usually sorted themselves out. That night I continued to wake throughout the night still feeling achy and so in the morning, when I still had the light back ache and light tummy pain I packed an overnight bag knowing that what I was feeling wasn't normal and I stupidly thought that the hospital would be just as concerned as I was.
Dwayne, my mother and myself went into the city early as we had scheduled a 3D ultrasound that morning (for keepsake purposes in light of this being such a high risk pregnancy) and on the way into town I could feel I was having very light contractions. As they were very mild (felt slightly painful but I thought maybe because I was already so achey they were noticable) I attributed them to braxton hicks.
We spent 1/2 an hour downtown in the car while Dwayne ran some errands. I sat in the car trying to time the contractions (~8 mins) using the car clock and debated whether I should skip the 3D ultrasound and go right to the hospital. A part of me knew if we were indeed in labour that I would forever regret not having the 3D ultrasound and a part of me worried that by not going to the hospital, they may not catch it soon enough.
We went to the ultrasound and it was absoultely beautiful. Though I leaked heavily in the elevator upto the ultrasound room there was plenty of fluid for us to see baby b in 3D. For the first time since the rupture I felt that everything was going to be perfect! Our high risk baby had plenty of fluid despite me constantly leaking!!
As far as the genders were concerned? Baby B was a BOY! I cried tears of joy at the news. I can't begin to explain how amazed and in love we were. Baby A proved much more elusive. We couldn't get a clear shot in 3D of his/her face and he/she was very modest as we had a hard time with the gender. Best guess...Girl.
In hindsight I'm so very glad that we did the 3D ultrasound. Ultimately going to the hospital would have resulted in absolutely nothing and today we wouldn't have that beautiful memory.
Once at the hospital we met with the first Perinatologist where I explained my concern with my contractions (which were much closer...less than 4 minutes at this point). The Peri did all the basic measurements and said he'd report to the head doc and she'd be in to see us shortly.
The main Peri came into the office and her first words were "well, the good news is there's absolutely NO indication that your in early labour". We then listened to the rest of her speal and finally I questioned her about what I should look for in terms of early labour if this wasnt' it. She said, "regular contractions that are at least 5 minutes apart". I told her mine were between 3-4 minutes. She then said, "well, the have to be very regular and longer than 30 seconds". As I hadn't really timed the duration and was using a clock without a second hand to time I had no response.
She then said, "well, i can check your cervix but with your rupture and us wanting to avoid infection its not recommended". Based on her comments I chose to avoid further risk of infection.
We left her office and went to get our flu shots, the contractions continued.
By the time Dwayne went to get the car, I went to the bathroom and noticed that I had started bleeding. Back to the peri again where I requested a cervix check.
The first peri we saw then admitted us to a room for monitoring and they decided to keep me overnight. By then the pain of the contractions were very uncomfortable and they adminstered morphine in the hopes that by minimizing the pain, my body would relax enough and the contractions would stop.
That evening the contractions did slow for an hour or so but by 3 am they were back in full force, the morphine had worn off and I was in even worse pain.
Friday, November 2, 2007
23 weeks 2 days
Well, I survived yesterday (Thursday) and for once it brought with it a ton of surprises.
The first being of course that THIS Thursday marks the FIRST day in November (ya, another month and a clean calendar sheet to begin ticking off).
In the morning I had a wonderful surprise phone call from a dear friend from University, Kirsten (a geologist) who called specifically to 'cheer me up' on my dreaded Thursday (what a godsend).
Then later in the day I recieved another call, this time from my friend Deanna (also a geologist) asking if I wanted company that evening so her and her fiancee (Dale) made the trip up from North Vancouver to spend the evening with Dwayne and I (though Dwayne and Dale did sneak out for an evening of dodge ball).
All in all I'd have to say it was one of my better spent Thursdays since starting bedrest.
And today (Friday)!! We hit our 7 week mark following our PROM. That's 49 days since the rupture!! Which in my mind (and all the statistics I can find) is extremely rare and promising. By no means are we out of the woods yet, but certainly way back when (on Sept 14) there was absolutely no way I would have believed I would still be sitting in bed (still sane) with a wonderfully growing belly by November.
Now my goal is to see another calendar month go by. You guessed it, December. Also, if we can hold out till there's snow on the ground that will officially put us on "bed rest" for 3 seasons!!
Things have pretty much remained status quo until today when I noticed Baby A was executing a rendition of Swan Lake in my belly. I kid you not, this little monster was ALL over the place until it got to the point where everytime he would make a concerted effort to break out of the belly I was feeling a sharp pain in one area. This lasted for about 15 very noticable movements until I was begging him to stop. Finaly he settled but shortly after I experienced a bleed. I seriously think this little gymnast moved so much that he tore something!!! The docs on call assured me that if things have settled (which they did) that I can rest easy for now. WHEW
(for the record, when a baby kicks that hard I call it a boy...when they're sleeping soundly, its a girl).
Aside from that excitement we are closely reaching our 24 week mark. This is a huge milestone as we are now treated differently by the hospitals in that our babies are termed "viable".
On Monday we will take the tour of the NICU unit at Women & Childern's Hospital and have any last minute questions answered by both the perinatologist and neonatologist at the hospital.
Following that we'll begin making all the necessary plans to get me moved into the city so that I'm only ~ 20 minutes from the hospital. So though I would LOVE to go another 12 weeks on bedrest carrying these little ones, I also know that 12 weeks on bedrest in a strange surrounding isn't going to be quite as easy emotionally. Still, I'm bound and determined to make every week/day and hour count and will continue to do so for as long as I can.
Aside from that, I'll sign off and ensure to provide an update on our visit to the NICU on Monday.
The first being of course that THIS Thursday marks the FIRST day in November (ya, another month and a clean calendar sheet to begin ticking off).
In the morning I had a wonderful surprise phone call from a dear friend from University, Kirsten (a geologist) who called specifically to 'cheer me up' on my dreaded Thursday (what a godsend).
Then later in the day I recieved another call, this time from my friend Deanna (also a geologist) asking if I wanted company that evening so her and her fiancee (Dale) made the trip up from North Vancouver to spend the evening with Dwayne and I (though Dwayne and Dale did sneak out for an evening of dodge ball).
All in all I'd have to say it was one of my better spent Thursdays since starting bedrest.
And today (Friday)!! We hit our 7 week mark following our PROM. That's 49 days since the rupture!! Which in my mind (and all the statistics I can find) is extremely rare and promising. By no means are we out of the woods yet, but certainly way back when (on Sept 14) there was absolutely no way I would have believed I would still be sitting in bed (still sane) with a wonderfully growing belly by November.
Now my goal is to see another calendar month go by. You guessed it, December. Also, if we can hold out till there's snow on the ground that will officially put us on "bed rest" for 3 seasons!!
Things have pretty much remained status quo until today when I noticed Baby A was executing a rendition of Swan Lake in my belly. I kid you not, this little monster was ALL over the place until it got to the point where everytime he would make a concerted effort to break out of the belly I was feeling a sharp pain in one area. This lasted for about 15 very noticable movements until I was begging him to stop. Finaly he settled but shortly after I experienced a bleed. I seriously think this little gymnast moved so much that he tore something!!! The docs on call assured me that if things have settled (which they did) that I can rest easy for now. WHEW
(for the record, when a baby kicks that hard I call it a boy...when they're sleeping soundly, its a girl).
Aside from that excitement we are closely reaching our 24 week mark. This is a huge milestone as we are now treated differently by the hospitals in that our babies are termed "viable".
On Monday we will take the tour of the NICU unit at Women & Childern's Hospital and have any last minute questions answered by both the perinatologist and neonatologist at the hospital.
Following that we'll begin making all the necessary plans to get me moved into the city so that I'm only ~ 20 minutes from the hospital. So though I would LOVE to go another 12 weeks on bedrest carrying these little ones, I also know that 12 weeks on bedrest in a strange surrounding isn't going to be quite as easy emotionally. Still, I'm bound and determined to make every week/day and hour count and will continue to do so for as long as I can.
Aside from that, I'll sign off and ensure to provide an update on our visit to the NICU on Monday.
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